June 21, 2011

Morning Battles

5:20 a.m.

Five-twenty a.m.

FIVE. Twenty. A.m.

Nothing is up at this hour except the sun. And perhaps a few infernal birds.

Oh, and my son.

Grrrrrrreat. Not again.

The whispering begins almost immediately.

"I can't believe that boy. I'm so tired. Why can't he sleep longer? There's no way he got enough sleep last night. Now he's gonna be cranky and I'm gonna be tired all day."

I open my eyes sleepily to see Self-Pity perched on my nightstand. She grins at me in a rather unsettling way. I roll over and pretend I can't see her. But when I open my eyes again, I'm face to face with Resentment, who has slipped under the blankets and is now curled up where my husband should be. He has bad morning breath.

"Kids are so much work. It is too much to ask for a decent night's sleep? Why can't parenting be easier? Why does life have to be so complicated and difficult?"

Before I know it, these enemies have me whining and acting exactly like the four-year-old I'm mad at.

"Lord, help me."

It's my first prayer of the day. It won't be my last. But it makes my bedmates scowl.

"Lord, help me. I need You."

Jason leaves for work. Caleb munches on cereal and bananas, watching his new Scooby-Doo movie. I get my own breakfast and open my bible. Right there, on the page where my bookmark lays, God responds.

"My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him.

He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him,

for God is our refuge.

One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard: that you, O God, are strong,

and that you, O Lord, are loving."

~ from Psalm 62, verses 1, 2, 8, 11, & 12.

I have enemies who watch with hungry eyes, who have no love for my family, and would cheer to see me become an angry, bitter person. Some days I even help them along with that goal.

But more and more I'm realizing that I don't face these enemies alone.

He fights with me. He fights for me. And He makes all the difference.


LeAnna said...

Ohhhhh sister. I needed to read this!!! !!!!!


Do you see all those exclamation points???

I have lost your #, because I dropped my phone in the toilet. Would love to chat sometime.


Mama Sue said...

Me-Me, I love you. Thank you for encouraging me as well. We will be there soon to help. We will make the week seem like a month.
Hugs and kisses. Mom